On the Goals We Set
On the Goals We Set
By: Nadirah Angail
YouRACreator Journalist/Editor
A.) Lose weight/Get healthier
B.) Improve your financial situation
C.) Find a mate/Get married
Without even knowing you, I can bet that you want to do one, or perhaps all, of these things. They seem to be the most popular goals that people set around those magical times when inspiration is strong (Ramadan, New Years, birthdays, etc.). You dust off the workout gear, set a budget and balance the checkbook, and start attending events with your eyes peeled for that special someone. You’re determined to meet your goal. Well, for the first few weeks, anyway. Then, once the newness wears off, the determination wanes, and a slow sense of apathy sets in, you find yourself in the same old rut that you were in to start with. The cycle continues. Goal unmet.
We all want things in our lives, but we rarely want them bad enough to actually go get them. We talk casually about how wonderful it would be to have this or that, but quickly write it off as a mere dream that only a lucky few are able to realize. Think of how many times you’ve jokingly said “I’d love to have/do ______,” treating it like some untouchable star at which you can only stare. Many of these dreams, though, are not untouchable at all, just hard to attain. But if we really wanted them, in the same way that we want peace, love and, life, we would chase them down and make them our own. It is this lack of true desire that keeps us in these unproductive cycles.
Goals are easy to set, easy to get excited about, and hard to achieve. While on our often short-lived journeys toward these goals, we seem to forget about the various Quranic verses about “patient perseverance.” We’ve made a habit of recalling them only in the worst of times, when things are in a horrible state and we fear we can take no more. Surely, they provide help then, but they’re just as helpful with our everyday trials . It has been reported that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said “Verily, Allah has prescribed excellence in all things,” (Muslim). Let us take this literally and realize that it truly does mean “all things,” all aspects of our lives. Rather than being frightened by the word “excellence,” know that it means “total effort,” not “perfection.” So, don’t be discouraged. There can be excellence even in your failure.
It takes seconds to set a goal, but making it happen takes time and serious thought. The key is follow through. Once the goal has been set, follow through with a reasonable plan to meet it. Introduce meaningful change into your life. Eliminate certain things, and reinforce others. Develop a holistic approach that allows you to incorporate your goals into everything you do, letting them merge with the other ideas and beliefs that define your life.
Too many times, we subconsciously convince ourselves that our goals are too great, our dreams too big. We say that we’re striving towards them, when really we lack the confidence to even try that hard. That is why we give up so easily. That is why we rarely follow through. That is why we get stuck in stop-and-go cycles. We lose patience, we don’t persevere and we put obstacles in our own way. There are many challenges we must face in life, but others we create for ourselves. By saying that we want to achieve a goal, and then living a lifestyle that opposes that achievement, we’re sabotaging our success and funding our failure. That’s no way to live. Stars aren’t just for staring. Go get them.
Nadirah Angail
Copyright© 2009
How to Get Over A Relationship
How To Get Over A Relationship
By: Leah Vernon
YouRACreator Member
It is extremely difficult to bounce back from a marriage or relationship, because you have so many ties to that individual. But do not fret, it can be done. How do I know? Because I happened to be going through it at this moment. You have hit rock bottom, you have nowhere to turn and you have to be able to reinvent yourself and push your way through this hard time. God is testing you. This person once asked, “What is God going to have to take from you for you to realize that you were not being appreciative?” I agreed with that comment, because it’s true. Most of us are not grateful for what we have and then God takes it away. We then realize that we appreciate what has left us, but sometimes we do not get a second chance to regain what we lose.
In the midst of the chaos and confusion of your relationship, you hit a dead end. Then, you end up by yourself. You have to re-awaken yourself from that deep and depressing sleep. During this process of recognition, you should be consulting with family and close friends for support and ideas on how to get through this. They should have solutions to the issues you are having from past life experiences they have dealt with.
So, you are mentally, physically and sexually attached to this human being, this person who you can’t even see yourself breathing without? Even if the relationship was rocky, abusive, hectic, and had unwanted family members involved, it still meant something to you. You still can’t see yourself being and doing anything differently than the arguing and yelling. Why? Because you’re comfortable where you are and afraid of change. It is kind of like the woman who gets beat by her husband. Everyone asks why won’t she leave him. It’s not that easy. Usually when you ask the woman who gets beat why she stays with a woman-beater, she says “I love him, and I don’t know why I stay”. That’s all she knows; abuse, degradation and humiliation.
It’s the same with the man who beats the woman. He beats her everyday due to disobedience and control. A logical person would ask him why he doesn’t just leave her and find a wife that is willing to be controlled and bossed around. He is comfortable with the situation and it becomes the norm. So, it turns into a regimen. Embrace change and admit responsibility and your post-relationship blues will fly out of the window.
If you have tried therapy, religious counseling, positive family reinforcement and prayer prior to the relationship’s end, then it’s time for the next steps: rediscovering and healing.
- Keep Your Faith, Regularly
The God you believe in is the God you should be praying to, sincerely and openly. Even in hard times of unemployment, death, separation and divorce, you must be willing to submit to him. If you didn’t know this: everything is in God’s hands. We always underestimate the power of God, faith and hope. He says “be,” and it is. When you feel down, let him lift you up
- Keep Your Distance
Keeping your distance from certain people during your time of healing and anxiety is key. You don’t need anybody reminding you of the situations of the past, bringing you down or setting you back. It would also be a good idea to stay away from the estranged spouse’s family. Again, you need space. Space is the best form of therapy. It gives you time to be focused and get to the top without many interruptions. You don’t need biased or judgmental opinions at this fragile point. Wait until you are able and strong enough to get back to your regular routine.
- Keep Your Foundation Strong
You need your family and close friends around you to help you through this rough time. They will be there for you when you feel the need to obsessively text your ex or stalk him or her during the night. You need to be able to call someone or go visit someone to let you know that it’s not right to stalk or contact someone who does not want to be with you. Moral support is awesome and you need as much as you can get.
- Keep Yourself Busy and Positive
Work, hobbies, exercise, movies, shopping, sports, concerts, fishing or anything you can enjoy. Something you can relax doing and focus your mind on. You do not need to focus on negative things, past events or people in your life that are not boosting your confidence.
Money… The Root of All Evil?
Money…The Root of All Evil
By: Leah Vernon
YouRACreator member
There is much speculation surrounding this so-called root of all evil. This green piece of square paper with government approved ink tattooed on it in the shape of the White House makes evil thoughts and actions come about wherever it may lay. Many Muslims and non-Muslims alike have taken the concept of an inadequate object like money and linking it with a humanistic characteristic such as evilness. Many people associate money with something that is negative because they see the actions of people who have become obsessed with it. When a person attributes evil to a dollar bill it’s almost as if they are contributing confusion to a lava lamp.
My husband and I had an argument (as we always do) about money. His argument was that money was wrong in general and that as Muslims we don’t need it. He continued to say that money should have no importance to a Muslim and we should live like the prophets and the people before us did without that significant want of dollar bills. These comments were becoming abundant. This is not the first time I have heard a Muslim associate holiness with poverty and evil with financial success. When I say this, I hope it penetrates through people’s thought processes: Just because your poor, live in a house on its last leg or ride the bus does not mean you’re any closer to Allah than a person with a big house in a nice neighborhood with a great job. Allah blesses whom he wills with financial success or plagues with poverty as a punishment or test. It is what you do with what with you have got that you should be concerned with.
To get back to the story…I asked my husband some questions and raised a few arguments about why that statement he had made earlier wasn’t logical. What do you use to clothe yourself? What do you give the poor and the needy? How did you get back and forth to the hospital to see your loved ones? The grace of Allah and his sustenance, which happened to be cash to afford these things in this time and age. The point I brought up was that human beings value money, and that is where the evil arises, not in the object but in the eye of the beholder. If people want to kill, murder, deceive, steal or otherwise for profit or money, that’s a personal issue. Money is not making these individuals go mad and greed when they touch it. It could be just as well that they may have been this way before the money even got to them. Perhaps it was the thought or the idea of money that made them go against their religion and values.
I addressed his previous comment of why we couldn’t live like back in the prophet times where they had no need for cash like we do, where they bartered and traded for the items they needed. First off, unlike our current economic status, most of us do not own acres of land where we grow our own fruits, vegetables, cotton, and coffee beans we could trade. We do not own livestock or, for most of us, our own homes. Plus, even during those times, they had issues with people putting value and pride in currency (gold and silver).
From experience, most people my age don’t own anything: we live in rented apartments, leased cars and work to get all the bills paid. Instead of focusing on how much wealth, beauty, stamina, land and vehicles we own and how much somebody else has (a whole different yet important topic to be discussed) we should be turning our attentions to the pillars of Islam and the oneness of Allah. Instead of worrying about what somebody else has got and telling them they are wrong for having it, something that Allah has given them, you should be focusing on getting yourself right and ready for the next go around, the hereafter.
I’m a new writer here on YRAC, so leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Check back next week for my next article!
Self Repair Still The Primary Solution For Black America
Self Repair Still The Primary Solution For Black America
By: Imam Dawud Walid
YouRACreator Contributor
The US Supreme Court recently ruled that White firemen were unreasonably denied promotions in New Haven, CT when certain tests were set aside due to Blacks’ low scores.
Though this ruling was a victory for those who view affirmative action as “reverse discrimination” or “reverse racism,” many of them are perhaps unaware of the reality of historical White privilege in America. Or perhaps they are aware and desire to maintain their privilege.
The question that must be asked among Black Americans is “Has the collective condition of Black America improved since affirmative action has been instituted?”. If not, then why?
Though there are more Black professionals than there were 50 years ago, it appears that the condition of Black America has worsened.
My father told me that he was trained to work twice as hard as White people if he wanted to get ahead. This mentality bred supermen and superwomen in the Black community. This mindset linked one’s striving for excellence in both a personal and community sense with not waiting for any special breaks as the primary path towards success. This is an Islamic teaching:
G-d does not change a condition of a people until they bring about change their inner-selves/psyches, [Al-Qur’an 13.11].
Is there a reward for excellence except excellence? [Al-Qur’an 55.60].
“Surely G-d loves that when a servant [of His] endeavors anything, he seeks to perfect it,” said the Prophet Muhammad.
The Qur’an says that both forms of oppression (outward and inward) should be challenged. Despite our having a Black president in this mythical age of “post-racialism,” there is no doubt that the residual effects of slavery and White supremacy still manifest themselves in the American socio-political order. However, what troubles Black America most today is internal oppression, not external. As long as Black activists and preachers focus more attention on preserving the status quo, such as affirmative action or requesting reparations, than addressing what Dr. Na’im Akbar has labeled our “collective insanity,” no amount of legislation in the world can help Black America. This is where Muslims need to exemplify leadership in Black America.
The mystics have a saying, “Whoever knows himself, has most certainly known his Lord,” meaning if a person examines himself sincerely, he/she should come to the following conclusions:
1. I am not infallible.
2. My best independent thinking in many instances has not led me to successful results.
3. I am beneath He who created me.
4. I must depend on His guidance for success in this world and in the next life.
Thus, Muslims, who understand this concept, need to be at the forefront in challenging the collective social norms within Black America through raising awareness and presenting an alternative modality to what is generally viewed as normative.
This alternative modality, despite some of its theological flaws, was presented during the lifetime of the Honorable Elijah Muhammad while he led the Nation of Islam (NOI). The NOI exhibited a viable alternative to Black morality and ethics, which addressed many of the issues that plague a large percentage of Blacks.
Al-Islam has the answer to fixing these issues. It serves as a shield against the pervasive nature of out of wedlock child birth (currently 7 out of 10 Black children), commercialism, gross materialism and the anti-social aspects within pop culture, which helps fuel this pathology. Al-Islam has socio-political measures to bring Black America out of economic and political immaturity. It has the power to raise her up to par and above what is deemed productive.
It is Muslims who have to step forward and lead by example to serve as an alternative mind to what is intrinsically unacceptable in man’s nature (Al-Fitrah).
Without intense internal repair within the Black psyche, affirmative action cannot further raise the educational and economic opportunities for Blacks in a meaningful way. Though some will thrive, the incarceration rates will increase, drug abuse will increase, and depravity will increase for the masses.
On The World’s Most Painful Events
On The World’s Most Painful Events
By: Nadirah Angail
YouRACreator Editor/Journalist
It’s just a small pain now, a gentle yet persistent sting that reminds me of what I endured. Within a few more weeks, I’m sure it will subside, but the memory will remain. There’s no forgetting that type of pain. After years of hearing other people’s descriptions of labor (“It feels like you’re being struck by lightning.” “It feels like you’re being ripped apart.”) I can finally give my own testimony. I’ve never been struck by lightning or torn apart, but I imagine those two things would be more painful than giving birth. However, I bet child birth would be a close third on the “World’s Most Painful Events” list.
If it were the will of Allah (God), giving birth could be simple and effortless, like a sneeze; one good involuntary ACHOO and your done. It could be something you do during a five minute bathroom break, or—better yet— something you do in your sleep, but it’s not. Giving birth takes a type of strength and endurance that you can’t even imagine unless you’ve actually experienced it. And Allah is all knowing; he makes no mistakes.
So, there must be something more to this pain. Is it a punishment for women or a testament to their strength? As the popular saying goes, there is little worth having that is easily attained. I believe that. And Quran supports it: “We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth,” (46:15). We aren’t pained because we “deserve” it. We’re pained because we are strong enough to take it. It marks the significance of becoming a mother, a highly valued position indeed.
Allah has blessed women with a type of strength that can’t be accessed through the size of our biceps, triceps and quads. It has nothing to do with our physical body, and everything to do with the nature within us. Women are an extraordinary creation and must be treated as such. We populate the world, raise the future generations, and create a delicate balance with our compassion, mercy, and beauty. Being a mother is a hard and sometimes painful job, but its benefits are beyond measure. As we are instructed in the Quran, “reverence your Guardian Lord… and reverence the wombs that bore you,” (4:1). We are the ones worthy of this reference. We are the ones mentioned first, second, and third in the popular hadith about those most worthy of good companionship. We are essential. We are irreplaceable. We are amazing. and we’re much stronger than we look.
