What is Love?
By:Rasheed Ali
A close personal friend of mine recently became engaged to the man she has loved for many years, though she tried to deny it. Alhumduillah, they have been blessed with a true and righteous love, grounded by faith. They are a wonderful couple, destined to have beautiful marriage, but this article is not about them. Though they completely deserve to have their love crystallized in writing, I have chosen to focus on something else. This article is not about the fun and excitement of new love. It is about the serious task of maintaining that love.
Love is an interesting piece, alhumduillah. Without it we could not exist, for it is Allah’s(swt) love that sustains us. Mashallah, we are truly blessed. Love is not only a mercy of Allah, but it is also a mercy we must show each other. Mothers love their children, and children love their mothers. Fathers love their families, and feel that love returned. Boys love girls, and girls are in love with boys. This is the way of the world, the way we were designed. Such a great thing this love is. Mashallah, what we would do without it?
Creating love is easy, but preserving it takes work. Men and women both need certain things: respect, appreciation, spirituality, a home, to feel cherished, and affection. In addition to these basics, they have additional needs that vary between genders and personality types. Learning the many needs of your spouse may be trying, but being sure to address all the basics is the best way to start.
Respect
Contrary to popular belief, this is not something that must be earned. It must be given. We are obligated to respect the creation of the Almighty, that which Allah respects enough to sustain. Why disrespect that which Allah respects? Is it ever ok for us to do something that not even the Creator would? I hope there isn’t anyone that would answer “yes” to that question.
Appreciation
Appreciation is gratitude. Just like you must be grateful to your Lord, you must also be grateful to His creation. That is a way that He has blessed you. Appreciate your loved ones with your actions and your speech. It’s not enough to think “I really enjoyed that.” Let the person know. Make it clear that you don’t take them for granted. Chances are, you didn’t get your spouse by looking unattractive, so don’t neglect your appearance after you’re married. Keep yourself attractive to show that you appreciate your other half.
Spirituality
You must learn the religion together. Within it are guidelines for how to treat each other and how to handle conflicts. You must also pray together. It builds a three-way connection between you, your spouse and Allah that cannot be rivaled. Unless you two can join together in what is right and forbid what is wrong, you will surely be at a loss. Your children, too, will suffer, because they will lack spiritually-successful role models. If you want your love to last and grow, seek the higher road, His road. This is the best way.
A home
Pretty much any building can be considered a house, but love needs a home to prosper. Work to create an environment that is peaceful. It should reflect the way you feel about each other. If your love is pure and clean, your home should be the same way. You should work together to wash the dishes, do the laundry, and vacuum. Make sure it smells nice. These are wonderful ways to bond and beautify. Your home is also your masjid. Treat it as such. Fill it with Islamic influences and knowledge. If you are the husband, remember that you are the imam of this masjid. Take this job seriously. If you are the wife, remember that you are the main support and emotional barometer of this masjid. Take this job seriously. Always remember, those who pray, clean, and workout together make it much, much farther.
To Feel Cherished
Cherish Each other. This is more complicated than most realize. Make each other your first priority. That means being willing to get up out of bed to make a sandwich, or leaving work early to pick up flowers. This takes appreciation a step farther by going above and beyond what is expected. Assume the best of each other. Help each other with your projects and endeavors. Be kind and show your spouse his/her significance in your life.
Affection
Have you ever noticed how much small children love giving hugs, kisses and smiles? You should be the same way with your spouse. Show your love through touch and sweet words. Even when upset, remember the importance of affection. State the problem clearly and use pleasant tones. Don’t yell. This can be hard if you are very upset, but it is better for you and your marriage. Work together lovingly to fix your problems. Unite and view them as challenges that Allah will bless you to conquer.
Most people can’t wait to get into a physically intimate relationship. Now that you’re in one that is blessed by Allah, take advantage of it. Massage your spouse. Kiss him or her regularly. Smile often. Men, allow her to talk about her feelings, no matter how odd or irrelevant they seem to you. Women, give him time to “just be.” Don’t expect him to be as verbally expressive as you are. Allow your spouse to show affection in the way that is most comfortable for him or her, but also let them know what you’re most comfortable with.
Copyright© 2009
What’s in a name?
By: Tiffany Pitts
Acceptable Muslim name?
Recently, I was involved in a conversation online about names. A woman said she would only name her children “Muslim names.” Another woman’s name was non-Arabic, and people asked her why her parents gave her a “non-Muslim” name.
This conversation got me thinking: What exactly is a “Muslim name?” What constitutes a “non-Muslim” name? Is it Arabic? Is it from the Quran?
My name is Tiffany. I am a Black woman, and I am a Muslimah. People assume that I surely must have a “Muslim name,” but in reality, what is this? Am I, with a name like Tiffany, any less of a Muslim? Is Muhammad more Muslim than me because of his name?
Many Muslims feel that they should have a name that is Islamically appropriate, so they give their children Arabic names. Reverts especially, after taking their shahadah (officially accepting Islam), tend to want to remove the ties from their pasts. So they take on a “Muslim name.” This name is almost always Arabic.
Don’t get me wrong, I see no problem with people wishing to start fresh when they accept Islam. It’s a beautiful thing. My issue is with those people who tell them that they NEED to change their names.
The only names that are forbidden in Islam are names with bad meanings. Examples of these names would be Iblis, Lucifer, Damien, Satan, Shaytan- you get the picture. These are names of the devil, which any Muslim should want to stay away from. But really, how many of us have names like this?
Recently, my friend Sarah took her shahadah. She was excited about it, as she should have been. She excitedly told me that her friend gave her a “Muslim name.” This confused me. “Sarah” is a Hebrew name, but it is also a name with an Islamic history. Sarah was Prophet Ibrahim’s first wife, and the mother of Prophet Ishaq. Surely a name with such history is Islamically appropriate. It is completely acceptable, but her friend told her that she needed a new one.
I heard a similar story from my cousin who was incarcerated. Like the stereotype, he took his shahadah in prison. While he was there, he was told by his cellmate that he needed a name that suited him. So first he chose Abdus-Sabur (Slave of the Patient). Ironically, his impatience led to some other issues, so he later adopted the name Ramadan.
When I worked at the records center for the Superior Court, I came across many name change files. Many inmates change their names legally because “As a Muslim, I have to have a name that suits me.” I wonder sometimes, when the chaplains tell them about Islam, do they tell them this? Do they tell them that it says this in the Quran? I’m no scholar, but I didn’t find it when I looked.
When people first become Muslim, they are not expected to know everything. It is up to those who have been Muslim longer to teach them. I feel that by telling new Muslims that they need new names, it takes away from the beautiful and appropriate names they often times already possess.
Copyright© 2009
On Why I Cry at Night
By: Nadirah Angail
YRAC Editor/Journalist
I fear for my nieces, because even Dora the Explorer wears a belly shirt. And Kim Possible won’t get a bigger shirt to save her life. They’re in love with those Bratz dolls, which to me look like little floozies. (I just don’t see why dolls for little girls should be so provocatively dressed). I know they’re only 6 and 8, but soon enough they’ll be 10 and 12; and sadly, some girls have already lost their innocence by then.
Sure, I tell them they look adorable in their age-appropriate clothes, but who else will? At what point will they realize that the only ones that like their clothes are the people that live in their house? And will that matter? It’s hard to counteract these messages that are coming at them left and right. Because when everyone else thinks it’s cute and normal that their daughters’ clothes look painted-on, I look like the crazy one when I say it’s a problem. When I don’t clap after the cheerleading routine that looks like it was stolen from some strip club, I look unsupportive and cold.
I wonder what these parents are thinking. Your 13 year old wears more makeup than Ru Paul, and you’re cool with that? Your 14 year old’s thong sticks up out her pants, and you’re not at all bothered? (Sidebar: Remind me again why a 14 year old even needs a thong?) Your 16 year old’s cleavage is all over Myspace, and you chalk it up to normal teenage behavior? Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s extremely abnormal for our girls to be so sexualized at such young ages.
Kim Possible
We women really need to make up our minds. On one hand, we claim we demand respect for all females and teach our daughters to be independent, high achievers. On the other, we covertly convince them that the way to success, happiness and worthiness is through their bodies. Well, actually, it’s not covert at all. Turn on the TV or flip through any magazine and tell me how covert the messages are.
We try to justify by saying women have been oppressed for years— for centuries even— and that now is the time to break free, to be sexually liberated, or to be “Stripped”, as Christiana Aguilera put it. Say that if you wish, whatever helps you sleep at night, but know the truth. Women in our society have been and still are oppressed in many ways. The only difference now is that we’ve accepted it and don’t even know it. At least when women couldn’t vote, we knew we were being treated unfairly. But now, we’re so fooled into believing that this is what true liberation looks like, so blinded by the false sense of worth, that we don’t even see the thick bars of hypocrisy that encage us. Look at how many women feel obligated to dressy sexy just to be noticed. Look at how many women base their value on how many heads they turn. Now, how liberated is that?
To me, liberation is knowing that I attracted my husband in so many ways
Appropriate for our girls?
that had nothing to do with the curve of my body, knowing that my sexuality is a wonderful thing and displayed only to he who is worthy. Liberation is knowing that I can walk into a room and command attention with my speech, my ideas, my presence. That’s the liberation I want my nieces to feel one day. But for now, they’re 6 and 8, and don’t even know the meaning of the word. So until then, I’ll just pray on it, try to set the best example possible, and hide all their Bratz dolls!
Nadirah Angail
Copyright© 2009
The Need for Reviving Muslim Youth Groups, Part 1
The Need for Reviving Muslim Youth Groups, Part 1
By: Halim Naeem
YourACreator Member
There is a tremendous and dire need to revive the Muslim Youth Groups 
from around the country. There is an outbreak of apathy that is manifesting itself in the passion and time put into the websites like Myspace, Facebook, Yahoo, and other chat networks. Ironically, this passion and feeling is going into the impersonal interactions of typing words on a keyboard and exchanging emotions that way. If that does not capture our youth, then music certainly does. Most commercial music is destructive to the human psyche over time. It is detaching many of our youth from Allah. Lastly, if the music and the internet do not get them, then its video games like the Wii, PS3, PSP, and Xbox 360 that eat up all the time of our young ones.
What is happening is that Muslim youth and Muslim youth groups, both national and local, are dying out. What is also happening is that the remaining organizations, such as the Muslim student associations and other Muslim young adult associations, are losing the quality and substance they are known for . This in turn damages the images of the masajids and the Muslims in American society. We are seeing an overall decrease of leadership and direction.
Many of these issues facing our organizations start within the families. Parents have to work more and more hours to earn money, thus spending an astronomically small amount of time with their children. This lack of parental supervision breeds more time for them to spend away from Islamic environments. This further breeds more time for them to spend by themselves. The more idle time one has, the more likely he is to engage in useless acts or time killers, such as the internet, television, music, video games, etc. Notice that these are all activities that one can do alone. Our Muslim youth are no longer fulfilling their need for proper, Islamic socialization. Most of the socializing is done with youth who are not Muslim, and they are being consumed by the spiritual emptiness that is a byproduct of interacting with machines all day.
What then happens is that there is no community ownership, involvement, responsibility, leadership, vision, or most importantly, connection. This spiritual fissure, this emptiness inside, leaks into the masajids and organizations, causing the level of involvement to continuously decrease. If this isn’t stopped, in years to come we will see generations that care more about the material things in life than they do the responsibility of establishing and driving an Islamic community into the future. Our communities will become just as diseased as that of greater American society. We, too, will be infected with the idea that intangible happiness is attainable through tangible means.
Whether inside the masajid or out in the community, there is a feeling of happiness you experience when surrounded with brothers- and sisters-in-Islam. It is an intangible happiness that only Allah gives to the people. There is no amount of money and no amount of resources that can give you that feeling. Once you have that feeling of belonging to something meaningful, that is when the condition of the community begins to change. That is when Allah puts the change into affect. This is one of the meanings when He says “Verily, we will not change the condition of a people until they change the condition within themselves.” It is up to us to change our condition. The transition must begin now.
Copyright© 2009
On the Horrible News of a Young Person’s Wedding
On behalf of everyone that got married before the age of 25:
I think the Chinese brought in 2007 as the year of the pig, but I took the liberty of changing its name to The Year of the Wedding. So many young believers I know made it official that year; and while I think it’s a blessing that so many of us have been able to make spiritually responsible choices and not use our age as an excuse, others feel compelled to both warn and discourage us because of our apparently unpopular decision. Now, I understand and appreciate the concern, because I know marriage is a big step. However, there’s no need to look disgusted and/or surprised when you hear of an upcoming wedding. And there’s definitely no need to make annoying comments such as:
-Why so young?
-Oh, I hope that works out for you. (Usually said in a voice that let’s you know they’re really thinking “What a dummy!”).
-What for? Are you pregnant?
-But, you’re so young. Don’t you want to date other people?
- Girl, don’t do it! (Often said by broken-hearted women who have given up hope on men).
-I wouldn’t do it, but that’s good for you. (Again, said in a voice that let’s you know they disapprove.)
Ok, so I’m aware that the divorce rate is somewhere around 50 percent—and that even ultra-patient, civil rights activist Nelson Mandela couldn’t make it work—but I’m also aware that we live in an anything-goes society that applauds immorality and tries its hardest to get us off the straight and narrow. They want us, women especially, to showcase our sin. The farther away we move from our natural selves, the more acclaim we receive. When we become wild and promiscuous, we are lauded for being “sexually liberated.” When we choose marriage over casual dating, we’re judged as being stifled by religious doctrine, brainwashed, and archaic. This popularized backwards thinking tells us that it’s ok if we live wild lives today and then settle down in our old age, but to establish something beautiful and God-approved in our youth is a bad, naive choice. Shaitan has definitely left his mark.
We were all born into submission, so its natural to want to please Him; but because the Rejected is good at what he does, so many of us have been convinced that sticking to our nature is old fashioned and downright oppressive. This world works double time to lure us into putting out our spiritual light in the name of youth, freedom, and independence. Never mind the fact that we will be asked on the Day of Judgment what we did with our youth. Never mind the fact that saying “I was just trying to be free and independent” will not be accepted as an excuse from the Most High. Never mind that the Fire’s fuel is men and stones.
If the state of American marriages is so bad (and I agree that it is) don’t discourage those of us that still see it as valuable and beautiful. Don’t discourage us from living up to a higher expectation. Instead, focus that energy on promoting healthy marriages and families. Take a stand against the billion-dollar industries that profit from persuading us that sex and sexiness are the answers to everything, that money is all that matters, and that cheating is a normal part of life. Those are the people you should be disgusted with, not those of us that are trying to live right in a world so wrong.
Nadirah Angail
my2dollars.wordpress.com
Copyright© 2009
A Brief History of Seven Shades
There are many groups in this country that cater to Muslim youth. There is MYNA, or the Muslim Youth of North America, which is the youth branch of ICNA (Islamic Circle of North America). There is also YM-Brothers and their sister faction, appropriately named YM-Sisters. There are regional groups as well, such as MMYC, which is the Michigan Muslim Youth Council.
Now, there is a new Islamic youth group, Seven Shades. The group’s name comes from the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallahu Alayhi wa Salaam) about the seven groups of people who will be shaded by Allah on the Day of Judgment. Among the groups are just rulers, peaceful greeters throughout the land, those that are God conscious, those that give to charity, young activists, those that put sex in the right place instead of everywhere, and people who are deeply attached to their communities (and masjids).
Seven Shades was formed as an agenda item at the 2007 annual MANA (Muslim Alliance of North America) conference in Philadelphia, PA. One of the tasks of the conference’s youth committee was to form a group. An email list was generated and Seven Shades got its official start. Initially known as MANA Youth, they held weekly conference calls on Thursday evenings and began to plan their first youth retreat.
The retreat took place in March of 2008 at Camp Fitch, in Erie, PA. About 50 people attended from eight states. The participants had an open, non-judgmental environment to discuss issues within the Muslim community. Some of the topics discussed were deen (or religion) and gender relations. They also had an opportunity to participate in outdoor activities, like archery and horseback riding. Filmmaker Sultan Sharrief showed his film, Bilal’s Stand. The group decided to call itself Seven Shades after the retreat.
After the retreat, the group continued to have their weekly conference calls. The topics ranged from drugs use among teens, to “Why I love being Muslim.” The calls were hosted by Tahirah Taalib-Din, who is the host of “The Tahirah Show.”
Seven Shades hosted their second retreat in July of 2008. It was held at Camp Spencer, in Fombell, PA. About 40 people from seven states attended this retreat, which divided its participants into two groups. The teen attendees (those between the ages of 11 and 18) had their own sessions, and the adults (those 18 and over) had their own. The groups still stayed together and had their meals together. The decision to have the separate groups came in reaction to the first retreat. Some of the teen participants felt that they could not get their ideas and opinions across because the adults were taking over the conversations.The format change was a success. The teen group enjoyed being able to discuss issues among themselves. The adult group enjoyed being able to have discussions without the teens there.
Seven Shades held their third retreat in March of 2009 in Mountain City, GA. The retreat was put together by the Atlanta chapter. The goal of the retreat was to establish that chapter. The retreat also formed bonds among the other chapters.
Today, Seven Shades still hosts their conference calls, which are called “Real Talk.” They have chapters in Atlanta, Connecticut, New Jersey, and three in Michigan: Detroit, Ann Arbor and Kalamazoo. The group plans on sending representatives to the Islamic Games in New Jersey, as well as the Riyaadah in Philadelphia. Local chapters are also planning events.
~Tiffany Pitts
Copyright© 2009
